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Category Archives: Navel Gazing
5 Tips For Regaining Your Confidence After Divorce
If you are a rich, famous, connected, and beautiful woman with a strong family supporting you — like Maria Shriver — you might experience divorce differently than the average schlub. For the rest of us, the most important thing is just surviving. Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Divorced Parents, Navel Gazing, Punditry
Tagged BMW, budgeting, Christian Louboutin, divorce, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Ethan Allen, Georgetown University, Huffington Post, loneliness, Maria Shriver, McMansion, sex
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The Secret Fantasies of Adult Males
In life, you are going to make thousands of business transactions. Almost all of them are going to be on other people’s terms. Even the ones you make with the store clerk who reminds you of the kid in seventh grade whom Sister Rose Veronica ordered everyone to treat nicely. Yes, even that store clerk has it over you. Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Navel Gazing
Tagged Amy Poehler, beer, Big Lebowski, burritos, commute to work, craigslist, Don Draper, drug busts, Hanoi, Jazmine Hughes, Jeff lebowski, national bohemian, New England Patriots, New Yorker, passat, Reddit, secret fantasies, used cars, vacation, Vollkswagen, Your boss
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My Declaration of Independence from the Word “Your”
I might just want a goddamned V-8 instead of the same fucking orange juice you place in front of my cakehole every morning like I’m some kind of eating, pissing, and shitting robot. Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Divorced Parents, Navel Gazing, Punditry, Yutes
Tagged breakfast, Corn Flakes, Depends, freaks and geeks, Jean Weir, Lucky Charms, Netflix, orange juice, parents, tyranny, V-8, your
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Writers Are Terrible People
Writers are terrible people and even worse partners. You cannot depend on writers. Writers live rich and vivid lives inside of their heads and often ignore anything and anyone that interrupts their thoughts. Writers can be romantic and in the … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Navel Gazing
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What to Do When You Are Awakened in the Middle of the Night by the Sound of a Bat Named Louis C.K. Flying Around Your Dark Bedroom
And then you realize what is creating this sound. It is the sound of a bat circling over your bed, pausing every 10 seconds or so to perch on a bookcase or your nightstand or the light directly over your bed. Not only is it the sound of a bat circling your bed, it is the sound of a bat under a high amount of stress. Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Divorced Parents, Navel Gazing
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The Three Dark Tunnels
“Ethan* and Natalie* are two wonderful people,” I tell the elderly, rotund fossil of a priest. “I think they are very fond of each other.” The priest nods. I think he understands what I mean. The priest and I speak … Continue reading
Posted in Navel Gazing
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The 12 Days of Christmas for Single, Divorced Dads
On the First Day of Christmas, you will ask your twentysomething children to take an active role in planning to visit their grandparents 100 miles away in the next state. You give them a three-day window. You actually entertain high … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Divorced Parents, Navel Gazing, Punditry, Yutes
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12 Thanksgiving Rules for Single, Divorced Dads
Variance from any of these rules will result in: lost sleep, self-loathing, alienation from your children, and validation of your ex-wife’s decision to kick your sorry ass out of the house. Don’ts If you attempt to compete for attention or … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Divorced Parents, Navel Gazing, Yutes
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Showing Up
An ancient paradox of social manners is that people in the public eye who have messy personal lives – people who are open to and deserving of our ridicule — can sometimes provide useful insights to guide modern youth, or … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Navel Gazing, Yutes
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Meditations on Don Draper (Part 5)
Sally Draper and I are contemporaries, though we grew up in different parts of the country. By the end of the seventh and final season of “Mad Men,” she and I will both have lived through the sixties. We remember … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, Navel Gazing, Punditry
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dedalus, jr. 