Don Draper is Ranked #12 Among “Mad Men” Characters

All your favorite “Mad Men” characters

We are upon the end times. The last episode of “Mad Men” will air this weekend, and then I will have to get a life. “Mad Men” has been my steadfast partner through divorce and courting. What a funny word, “courting.”

And so as I begin the ritual of mourning one’s favorite television entertainment, a headline in one of the Gawker websites caught my eye. “Mad Men Characters, Ranked,” written by one of my favorite man-children, Drew Magary, who takes great pleasure at poking people in the eye (metaphorically).

Drew named Roger Sterling as his Number #1 character, followed by Don Draper. There is no methodology to this ranking, other than creating a list that would piss off “Mad Men” fans.

I got to thinking about how to rank “Mad Men” characters using a methodology and came up with a spreadsheet filled with lots and lots of numbers. Using IMDB’s database, I culled the names of 94 characters. I then assigned each character a 1-5 point score (5=highest; 1=lowest) in these categories:

• Sex Appeal
• Personality
• Charisma
• Courage
• Creativity
• Demonstrated Personal Growth
• Eccentricity
• Self-Loathing
• Business Savvy
• Sense/Lack of Entitlement
• Rage
• Outsider
• # of Episodes

The results totally shocked me. Email me if you would like the review the spreadsheet.

Here is the ranking:

1. Rachel Menken
2. Bob Benson (tied for #1)
3. Manolo
4. Sally Draper
5. Margaret Hargrove
6. Roger Sterling
7. Hobo
8. Betty Francis
9. Michael Ginsberg
10. Jim Hobart
11. Jimmy Barrett
12. Don Draper
13. Megan Draper
14. Shirley
15. Kurt
16. Pima Ryan
17. Salvatore Romano
18. Abe Drexler
19. Midge Daniels
20. Marie Calvet
21. Joy
22. Paul Kinsey
23. Glen Bishop
24. Lee Garner Jr.
25. Peggy Olson
26. Pete Campbell
27. Joan Harris
28. Dawn Chambers
29. Mona Sterling
30. Conrad Hilton
31. Ken Cosgrove
32. Lane Pryce
33. Bonnie Whiteside
34. Lee Cabot
35. Faye Miller
36. Beth Dawes
37. Lee Garner, Sr.
38. Henry Francis
39. Miss Blankenship
40. Helen Bishop
41. Bertram Cooper
42. Duck Phillips
43. Greg Harris
44. Sylvia Rosen
45. Arnold Rosen
46. Anna Draper
47. Trudy Campbell
48. Smitty
49. Dorothy ‘Dot’ Campbell
50. Fred Rumsen
51. Rebecca Pryce
52. Bobbie Barrett
53. Bobby Draper
54. Tom Vogel
55. Jane Sterling
56. Gene Draper
57. Stan Rizzo
58. Ted Chaough
59. Abigail Whitman
60. Frank Gleason
61. Julio
62. Suzanne Farrell
63. Allison
64. Hildy
65. PFC Dinkins
66. Lieutenant Donald Draper
67. Carla
68. Lou Avery
69. Adam Whitman
70. Viola
71. Jennifer Crane
72. Harry Crane
73. Jim Cutler
74. Gene Hofstadt
75. Carlton Hanson
76. Meredith
77. Lois Sadler
78. Nan Chaough
79. Mirabelle Ames
80. John Mathis
81. Brooks Hargrove
82. Cynthia Cosgrove
83. Francine Hanson
84. Clara
85. Burt Peterson
86. Ferg Donnelly
87. Ed
88. Moira
89. Joey Baird
90. Caroline
91. Donna
92. Gail Holloway
93. Katherine Olson
94. Anita Olson Respola