Don Draper is Ranked #12 Among “Mad Men” Characters

All your favorite “Mad Men” characters

We are upon the end times. The last episode of “Mad Men” will air this weekend, and then I will have to get a life. “Mad Men” has been my steadfast partner through divorce and courting. What a funny word, “courting.”

And so as I begin the ritual of mourning one’s favorite television entertainment, a headline in one of the Gawker websites caught my eye. “Mad Men Characters, Ranked,” written by one of my favorite man-children, Drew Magary, who takes great pleasure at poking people in the eye (metaphorically).

Drew named Roger Sterling as his Number #1 character, followed by Don Draper. There is no methodology to this ranking, other than creating a list that would piss off “Mad Men” fans.

I got to thinking about how to rank “Mad Men” characters using a methodology and came up with a spreadsheet filled with lots and lots of numbers. Using IMDB’s database, I culled the names of 94 characters. I then assigned each character a 1-5 point score (5=highest; 1=lowest) in these categories:

  • Sex Appeal
  • Personality
  • Charisma
  • Courage
  • Creativity
  • Demonstrated Personal Growth
  • Eccentricity
  • Self-Loathing
  • Business Savvy
  • Sense/Lack of Entitlement
  • Rage
  • Outsider
  • # of Episodes

The results totally shocked me. Email me if you would like the review the spreadsheet.

Here is the ranking:

  1. Rachel Menken
  2. Bob Benson (tied for #1)
  3. Manolo
  4. Sally Draper
  5. Margaret Hargrove
  6. Roger Sterling
  7. Hobo
  8. Betty Francis
  9. Michael Ginsberg
  10. Jim Hobart
  11. Jimmy Barrett
  12. Don Draper
  13. Megan Draper
  14. Shirley
  15. Kurt
  16. Pima Ryan
  17. Salvatore Romano
  18. Abe Drexler
  19. Midge Daniels
  20. Marie Calvet
  21. Joy
  22. Paul Kinsey
  23. Glen Bishop
  24. Lee Garner Jr.
  25. Peggy Olson
  26. Pete Campbell
  27. Joan Harris
  28. Dawn Chambers
  29. Mona Sterling
  30. Conrad Hilton
  31. Ken Cosgrove
  32. Lane Pryce
  33. Bonnie Whiteside
  34. Lee Cabot
  35. Faye Miller
  36. Beth Dawes
  37. Lee Garner, Sr.
  38. Henry Francis
  39. Miss Blankenship
  40. Helen Bishop
  41. Bertram Cooper
  42. Duck Phillips
  43. Greg Harris
  44. Sylvia Rosen
  45. Arnold Rosen
  46. Anna Draper
  47. Trudy Campbell
  48. Smitty
  49. Dorothy ‘Dot’ Campbell
  50. Fred Rumsen
  51. Rebecca Pryce
  52. Bobbie Barrett
  53. Bobby Draper
  54. Tom Vogel
  55. Jane Sterling
  56. Gene Draper
  57. Stan Rizzo
  58. Ted Chaough
  59. Abigail Whitman
  60. Frank Gleason
  61. Julio
  62. Suzanne Farrell
  63. Allison
  64. Hildy
  65. PFC Dinkins
  66. Lieutenant Donald Draper
  67. Carla
  68. Lou Avery
  69. Adam Whitman
  70. Viola
  71. Jennifer Crane
  72. Harry Crane
  73. Jim Cutler
  74. Gene Hofstadt
  75. Carlton Hanson
  76. Meredith
  77. Lois Sadler
  78. Nan Chaough
  79. Mirabelle Ames
  80. John Mathis
  81. Brooks Hargrove
  82. Cynthia Cosgrove
  83. Francine Hanson
  84. Clara
  85. Burt Peterson
  86. Ferg Donnelly
  87. Ed
  88. Moira
  89. Joey Baird
  90. Caroline
  91. Donna
  92. Gail Holloway
  93. Katherine Olson
  94. Anita Olson Respola
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About Stephen Dedalus, Jr.

I am trying to awaken from the history of my ancestor's nightmare to comment on my Holy Trinity of Interests: art, literature, and music. Oh, and thoughts on dysfunctional families, which is to say families.
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One Response to Don Draper is Ranked #12 Among “Mad Men” Characters

  1. Maybe there should be a spreadsheet for all friends, colleagues and grocery store clerks.

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