Author Archives: Stephen Dedalus, Jr.
I might just want a goddamned V-8 instead of the same fucking orange juice you place in front of my cakehole every morning like I’m some kind of eating, pissing, and shitting robot. Continue reading
Writers are terrible people and even worse partners. You cannot depend on writers. Writers live rich and vivid lives inside of their heads and often ignore anything and anyone that interrupts their thoughts. Writers can be romantic and in the … Continue reading
What to Do When You Are Awakened in the Middle of the Night by the Sound of a Bat Named Louis C.K. Flying Around Your Dark Bedroom
And then you realize what is creating this sound. It is the sound of a bat circling over your bed, pausing every 10 seconds or so to perch on a bookcase or your nightstand or the light directly over your bed. Not only is it the sound of a bat circling your bed, it is the sound of a bat under a high amount of stress. Continue reading
You have kids, Thing 1 and Thing 2, who have not reached their majority. You love the crap out of them. You are not planning on leaving BFE or wherever the hell you live and deserting them. And so… You have decided to focus on the health and well-being of your children instead of burning down everything you once held dear.
No, we are not talking about when your 10-year old invites 12 of his friends from school to sleep on your living room floor after demolishing half of the first floor with boy stickiness and slime. Continue reading
A first-person account of a mature woman’s dating disaster (“My Naked Truth” by Robin Korth) has been making its way around the Interwebs, for good reason. Robin’s description of her short-lived relationship with a tool named Dave reads like a recipe for “Dating Shit Pie.” Continue reading
Yesterday I received a tweet from a news organization based across the Atlantic Ocean from BFE, alerting me to a story about how the income of British “working writers” is decreasing. The story was linked to an address given by … Continue reading
On this morning’s Meditation While Jogging, I could not get the subject of “The Great New York Literary Subtweet War of 2014” out of my head. This “war” broke out last week when some guy wrote a blog disparaging a … Continue reading
C’mon, don’t be a Brooklyn hipster hater like that! People gotta express themselves and let their freak flags fly. Plus, old folks like Paul Krugman and me know what rockin’ shoes like this chick’s gonna wreak a lot of payback … Continue reading
No. Seriously? The whole reason baseball hats were invented was to keep the sun out of ballplayers’ eyes. This knucklehead does not have a practical bone in his body. What do you think he is going to do if the … Continue reading