A first-person account of a mature woman’s dating disaster (“My Naked Truth” by Robin Korth) has been making its way around the Interwebs, for good reason. Robin’s description of her short-lived relationship with a tool named Dave reads like a recipe for “Dating Shit Pie.” Here is one Man’s Take:
Robin: I am a 59-year-old woman in great health and in good physical shape. I stand five-feet, nine-inches tall and weigh 135 pounds.
Man’s Take: So far so good. Robin is articulate, slender, and takes care of herself. She is also a woman of a certain age. Fifty-five year old Dave should know what he is getting himself into.
Robin: We met on a dating site.
Man’s Take: Caveat emptor for both parties. Seriously.
Robin: We planned a weekend together. That’s when things got confusing, unspoken and just-not-quite there. We went to bed in a couple’s way — unclothed and touching — all parts near. Kisses were shared and sleep came in hugs. I attempted more intimacy throughout the weekend and was deterred each time.
Man’s Take: Robin, I give you all the credit in the world for jumping into those waters with both feet. Men and women of our age should not be pussyfooting around. If you want more than friendship – if you want to create friction – then you have to try to create that friction. However, for men of a certain age, this can be complicated. When men are young and in full vigor, like this World Cup hero, performing is too easy. Just about any woman can and will give a man the inspiration to perform. When we get to the point where we look like the guys in the Viagra and Cialis commercials – whether or not we suffer from ED – rising to the challenge of performing is not always so easy. So before you start thinking that it’s you, Robin, it may be him.
Robin: On Monday evening over the phone, I asked this man who had shared my bed for three nights running why we had not made love. “Your body is too wrinkly,” he said without a pause. “I have spoiled myself over the years with young woman [sic]. I just can’t get excited with you.”
Man’s Take: Whoa! Take back my previous analysis. Seriously, this douchebag said this to you? Two things: 1) Dave is not a bad guy because he felt this way; but 2) Dave should never, ever, ever have said this to Robin. Getting back to #1: as Emily Dickinson (and Woody Allen) said: “The heart wants what it wants.” We all get turned on and off by different things. There is no justice in our sexual desires. None. Dave is being honest with himself about being sexually attracted to younger women. He is not a bad guy for feeling this way. However, he never should have been so cruelly blunt with Robin. The truth, after all, is overrated. Dave, how about telling her this, instead: “Robin, you are an amazing person, but for reasons I myself cannot fully understand, I am just not sexually attracted to you.” Dave, if you had chosen these words, you would not have been lying, you would have gracefully exited from the relationship, and a woman of Robin’s maturity could have shrugged her shoulders and checked off the “Failed Relationship/No Chemistry” column.
Robin: We talked for some time more. He spoke of special stockings and clothing that would “hide” my years. He explained that now that I knew what was required, we could have a great time in the bedroom.
Man’s Take: Wait a sec here, Dave, back that one up. We thought you were breaking up with Robin. Earlier in the conversation, you said: “I just can’t deal with your body.” That is a break-up statement in any language. But not for Dave, who wants Robin to sheath herself in sexifying garments so that he can get a hard-on. The douchebag has not figured out that insulting a woman is not a way to get her excited about sleeping with you. And, seriously dude, if the woman is not turning you on, why are you going down that road?
Robin: I told Dave that I never wanted to see or hear from him again.
Man’s Take: Woo-hoo! You go girl! Dave presents a nice veneer, but you scratched that surface and found the ugliness beneath. Robin, you got out as soon as you learned that, after all, it was him and not you.
Robin: My body is beautiful and it goes along with my mind and my heart.
Man’s Take: Yeah, baby! Too bad I’m already taken. By a mature woman who still manages to get my middle-aged husk of a body to do the Mystery Dance.